How to Keep Your Romance Alive in Marriage
By Ogova Ondego
Published April 18, 2024
It was love at first sight for Karen when she met Jim. He was everything she had hoped for in a man; tall, handsome, strong, intelligent and thoughtful.
Jim changed his plans if they conflicted with Karen’s. Never rude or argumentative, he was always available whenever Karen wanted him.
Karen responded by listening attentively to him, re-arranging her schedule to accommodate him and showered him with affection.
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They married within a year, hoping their romance would last for as long as they lived.
A year later and having to work longer hours for the family, however, Jim became argumentative, inconsiderate and unavailable to Karen who needed him to help her with their first child.
Karen concluded Jim did not love her and that his behaviour during courtship had been a front – a bait – just to win a wife.
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When couples fall in love, they marry in the hope that their romance will last a lifetime. The vows and commitments they make usually depend on this.
Unfortunately, romance is fleeting. When it goes, it usually takes marriage with it.
Willard F Harley, a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist, writes in Love Busters: Overcoming the Habits That Destroy Romantic Love that during dating and courtship, couples create romance by meeting each other’s most important emotional needs.
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After marriage, however, destructive habits that Harley calls love busters and that could include angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, annoying behaviour, selfish demands and dishonesty, can creep back or develop that destroy romance. A love buster is any destructive marital habit by one spouse which makes the other unhappy.
Love Busters is written to help couples avoid losing romantic love, the cornerstone of marriage.
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